“For Hire”
I woke up in the middle of the night with a jolt. My hands were cold and blobs of sweat trickled down my forehead like a confused cloud trying to decide between a drizzle and a thunderstorm. I never experienced this feeling before. I huffed and puffed and got out of my bed to find myself a soother. A fine glass of cold watermelon juice that tasted like bile and a bite of leftover idly that was only a little crispier than yesterday’s newspaper calmed me down as I put off the lights and headed back to my bed. And once again, I was buried under the quilt and for miles and miles; one could hear the soft murmur that distinctly resembled the sounds of a constipated chainsaw.
I was off on a faraway plateau dreaming about the dance of the birds and bees when all of a sudden, the experience of the death ride from home to work that morning just came scuttling back in. It was a ride of a lifetime. I still can’t believe a 3 wheel wonder could traumatize me so much.
Krishna Veerabhadra Appalanaidu Satya Sai Venkata Narayana XBOX 500049 wakes up at 4:30 every morning and answers the call of nature. Once content, he gets his cleaning gear of a bucket, a dust cloth, special shampoo and lots of water ready. He quickly makes a dash to the area where he keeps his priced possession, the ‘Auto Rickshaw’. He smiles meekly at the auto, sends out a flying kiss and even hugs the handlebar twice. Somebody very wise once said, “The bond a man shares with the machine can only be understood by a man who owns a machine”. He did not live very long. Anyway, back to Veera, with his gear ready, he douses the rick with foam and spruces it up. He beams with pride as he watches the rick sparkle and shimmer doing full justice to the very first rays of the unending supply of energy, the sun.
He has his dose of dosas with oodles of white coconut glop and a handful of fiery chilly powder as an accompaniment. He then guzzles down one big fat urn of coffee and lets out a loud belch. The components of this concoction are dangerous enough to asphyxiate a herd of African elephants. He bids adieu to his family. He makes sure not to forget the gentle bow and a silent prayer to the lord almighty before he puts on his super cool flip flops.
With one firm jerk, the rick squeals good morning to Veera and off they go gleaming in anticipation of a good day. As he drives along the path that connects the by lane to the main road, he can’t but take in the sensational whiff of the beautiful flowers carefully placed on jute baskets sold by women who get irritated at the drop of a hat. Once on the main road, he looks out for travelers with their thumbs up or their hands spread out as if they were in a half mind to woo someone. Veera slams the brakes at a random traveler and gets on tenterhooks as he inquires about the destination. Once the haggle over the fare reaches middle ground, off they go rattling every artery in their bodies wriggling between light, medium and heavy vehicles. Come destination, the haggard traveler hauls himself out and duly pays the fare agreed upon whilst letting out a disgruntled sigh for having to pay so much. With a smile that exposes all the sparkling white teeth and a piece of dosa lodged between the grinders, Veera moves on to pick up his next customer.
I have no idea what the guy who invented the tie was thinking. I don’t need something to cover my buttons and throttle my Adam’s apple. Infact, I actually prefer my buttons naked and of course my Adam’s apple undamaged. Humming my favorite song, the nasal torment, I make a dash out the door to the garage. I insert my key in the slot generously provided by the motor company and the car rumbles at me condescendingly. Every additional twist of fingers only triggers the grumble further on. With my head in my hands, I get off my car and throw a heartrending glance at the machine. No, I am not a geek. Remember what the guy said about the man and the bond he shares with his machine? I have no choice but to take public transport that day as I had to make it to work on time not because of my beliefs and principles but to grab a bite of that wondrous samosa, Sam, the cafeteria man serves early in the morning. Tikititok Tikititok chanted my shoes as I stepped out of my apartment and made way to the highway which was apparently my way that day.
As I gazed ardently, I noticed a yellow shiny object moving really fast in my direction at the speed of light and not just normal light, light that was high on illegal steroids. I put out my measly arm gesturing him to stop and that’s when the unthinkable happened. Veera and I made eye contact and he nodded his head in response and out of the blue, totally unexpectedly, swerved right almost sending off a motorist to meet god at the pearly gates. He smiled at me and my eyes hurt. I told him I needed him to take me to work and to be fast at it. He charged me the entire tax money of a small country and out of desperation for the hot lovely samosas, I gave in. What followed next, I thought could only happen in a B grade action film with actors clad in orange translucent pants and actresses in half a handkerchief.
“Pahunch jaate Saab”; said Veera as he hit the pedal and almost did a wheelie. I swallowed deep and started to think of all the people who I loved and cared for. Man that was a long list. I didn’t know the neighbor’s pet parasite made such a difference in my life. I did a rough draft of my will. I tried guessing genie’s phone number. Navigating between all the vehicles and the animals on the road, Veera stopped as the light on the pole went red. I was caught between my desire to jump out of the rick and the yummy samosas waiting for me in the cafeteria. Samosas won. Go green and Veera pushed his sleeves further up to his armpits and made a dash. For a moment I thought, we slid beneath a bus and came out from under an eighteen wheeler. Fortunately, I was just hallucinating. A herd of goats suddenly decided to cross the road so as to be able to become one with the herd master again. I vividly remember kissing him for getting us out of that incident alive. We had to do a 360 degree salsa stunt to achieve this feat though.
After what could only be termed a cataclysmic drive, the 3 wheel wonder finally came to a halt.
A few nuts and bolts flew east but Veera seemed unaffected. He turned around and put his arm on the iron bar that acts as the line of control between himself and his customers. His face radiated the sentiment of triumph. Still trembling, I reached out to my wallet to pay him and swore to myself never ever to tell a rick guy to hurry up.
Sam had missed his bus that morning and sadly, there sure as hell were no samosas.
