Hash brown potato and the 700 buffoons

            “Hash brown potato and the 700 buffoons”

Not so long ago, there lived a boisterous ‘Anna’ who ruled the kingdom along with his podgy pondati (wife). Born to this ghastly couple was a bouncy little baby girl. She had light brown skin and beautiful long curly hair. Her curls, if straightened met international standards for super secure bungee jumping. Her smile made people reach out for their large intestine. Both her feet were perfectly lop-sided and she could also throw up all the ragas. She wore a brown gown. When out at play, she would neatly pick it up to her waist and fold it in symmetrical patterns. Her head was a repository for flowers, seeds and fertilizer. The occasional visiting worm was neatly chopped and relished with freshly ground pepper soup and bullet rice. In all, they led a happy life.

Everything was hunky dory until one bad gloomy morning; her mother inadvertently stepped on a banana peel and fell into the well. She managed to actually kick the bucket whilst falling right into the dilapidated well. Anna sung a sad song, ran around a few trees alone and put on branded goggles and moved on to wed again.

Hash Brown Potato won several hearts growing up much to the dismay of her step-mother. She was jealous of all the attention, Hash Brown Potato received. Once while watching her series of daily soap, a commercial advertising the latest magic mirror that answered thick skulled questions and also served meatballs caught her attention and she immediately placed an order.

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all”, asked she vehemently. “You sure are pretty, my queen but Hash Brown Potato takes the cake”, replied the magic mirror. This angered pondati part two so much; she turned colors that put up stiff competition to her pet chameleon. She picked up her gown, gave it a little twist, dug her nose, flung some boogie and hatched a plan to get rid of sweet little Hash Brown Potato.

Up at 6 in the morning, both the so-called women trotted off to the nearby jungle to pick berries. The step mother had a wicked smirk on her face and she suggested that Hash Brown Potato wade a little further in so as to be able to pick even more juicy and ripe berries. Being the innocent calf that she is, Hash Brown Potato ventured deep into the forest so much so that she could not find her way back. She cried out for help but to no avail. She ran about aimlessly. She wept, she sobbed. She even howled only to entice a passing by jackal that was busy strategizing with his friend, the croc. She took to her heels and that is when her eyes fell on a deserted bungalow. She picked up her eyes and opened the door. Inside the bungalow was a huge dining table neatly laid with 700 pig skin plates and 700 tree trunks for glasses. There was a huge mountain of rice and beside it was a drum of slimy sulphuric acid. Little Hash Brown Potato was so ravenous from all the action, she quickly gorged on half the pile of rice and three quarters of the drum containing the acid. Content, she continued to explore the house. She came across a room that had 700 tiny beds that boasted of fresh linen. Her yawn brought out a storm. She quickly hopped on to one of the beds and instantaneously began to roar that was in tune with an occasional rip from the rear.

Just a couple feet off the ground, the 700 buffoons sang merrily and marched towards their camp celebrating their day’s catch, a pack of baboons. All of them wore fancy hats and chewed tobacco. I am talking about the buffoons here. But then again, so did the baboons. Weary from the day’s accomplishments, the buffoons couldn’t wait to get home, eat and rest. As they walked in, they noticed that the rice pile was reduced to a lump, the drum was half empty, yes they were a bunch of pessimists. They threw a bewildered look at each other and continued to explore further. Their jaws dropped when they saw Hash Brown Potato fast asleep on their bed. Being the kind hearted chaps that they were, they let her sleep in peace and decided to discuss matters the next morning. Hash Brown Potato woke up with the best smile ever which quickly turned to the best kick in the teeth ever when she saw the buffoons ogling at her.

  

“Who are you and what in the name of devil are you doing here?” asked one competent fool. Tears trickled down her face as she thought of the happenings of the day before. She realized her step mother’s intention and that saddened her so. After she poured out her agonizing story, the buffoons consoled her and told her she could stay with them for as long as she wanted. They went out to the farm and did a dance number well choreographed by the 555^th buffoon.

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of them all”, asked the pondati’s sequel one fine morning. “You sure are pretty, my queen but Hash Brown Potato takes the cake”, replied the mirror now with an accent. She couldn’t believe her ears although she had her ears marinating in a quintal of gold and other less important gems. “This is it, I will have to kill her”, thought she as she embarked upon her journey to trace Hash Brown Potato. She bought a basket of fruits and injected poison into the yummiest looking apple.

“Who’s there?”, asked Hash Brown Potato meekly. “Oh, I am just an old little woman selling fresh fruits. Buy 3 and get 300 free”, said the wicked step mother who was in disguise. Hash Brown Potato could not resist such an offer and swiped her card and bought some fruits. As she took a bite of the voluptuous apple, her eyes started to feel funny. She thought it was perhaps her excessive drinking habit that’s causing her to feel this way but then she never felt this feeling before. Before she could put two in three, she fell flat on her twisted nose and went into a deep slumber. When the buffoons returned, they were shell shocked to see Hash Brown Potato lying stiff on the ground. All of them lined up to pay their last respects to her and the 555^th buffoon choreographed another sad song as a tribute to the legend that she was.

A petty thief who was planning on his next petty theft was loitering around the bungalow when he heard the commotion. He approached the glass coffin that Hash Brown Potato lay in. He bent down to whisk away the glittery rock around her neck when Hash Brown Potato suddenly sprang up. “Don’t you ever brush your teeth?” were her first words as she came back to life. She thanked the thief profusely for the smell he carried with himself. The petty thief was quick as a fox and took full advantage of the situation and got down on his knee and proposed to her.

Hand in hand, the other hand over the nose, the happy couple made their way back to the kingdom and told ‘Anna’ the reality. ‘Anna’ put his man gown down and pulled it back again and walked up and down the hallway in total disbelief. He confronted pondati the second and she spilled all the beans along with some tea leaves. This infuriated ‘Anna’ so much that he banished her from his kingdom and the three of them lived happily, not for long though.

A month later, Hash Brown Potato died of nasal passage deterioration. The petty thief choked on the bullet rice and threw up an assortment of jewels. ‘Anna’ resorted to alcoholism and so did the 700 buffoons. The 555^th buffoon gave up choreography and took up composition.